Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
