There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
