Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
