Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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