This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
