i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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