Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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