Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
