Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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