and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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