i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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