The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
