I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
