at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
that is very illegal...i love you.
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