Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
