I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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