I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
