I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
