i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
