We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
