Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
