Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
