I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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