do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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