I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
