Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
