Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
BRING THE BAGELS
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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