I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
