So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
