Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
