you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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