...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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