well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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