did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
