Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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