my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
