Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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