The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm šš»š
We are so blessed
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasnāt changed the amount I drinkāit just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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