guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
