I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Fuck appropriateness.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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