butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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