A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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