that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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