Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
