I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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