The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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