Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
