This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
