I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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