My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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