If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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