I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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