Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
