did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
