Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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