I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
